Claudette's Blog

I'm finally taking the time to write about my stepdaughter's wedding. Can you believe it that it's already close to three weeks since it happened. Where did the time go?

I'm glad that I wrote my thoughts and feelings in my daily journal. It's amazing how fast things get blurry. After picking my son and granddaughter at the airport, getting all the stuff ready for the guests and meeting up with Julie's in-laws, we were now ready for the big day.

We found time to go snorkeling as a group and had fun. It helped us to unwind a bit and enjoy the fact that we are in Key West and the weather was perfect. Then, it’s time for the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. It's at this time that I see the Mom with her guest. I know people are watching and wondering how are we going to do this. This is Julie's special day and I planned on making it the best day of her life. I got up and greeted her and welcomed her to Key West and said hi to her guest.

Ah! The ice is broken and now we can move forward. Let the tension melt with the sun. No need to create drama where none is needed. We are both here to celebrate and enjoy her daughter’s and my stepdaughter's special day and I know that we both wish her the best.

I think one of the most difficult things during special events like these is to know what the etiquette of conduct is. We hear stories of couples having multiple ceremonies because divorced parents can’t stand being in the same room, not even for their child’s special day. I can’t say it’s easy but I will say that having my husband there, beside me, supporting me as his wife and partner and knowing that my stepdaughter is really happy to have me there makes being with the Mom not threatening at all. This in not a time for parents to compare or get even. This is a time to celebrate this young woman’s next stage in her life; one of formally joining with her man in a life long commitment.

The big moment arrived when the guests are outside and waiting for the ceremony to begin. The moms are to walk side by side to their seats. I loved this as it made us equals. Setting a new standard is not always easy and yet, this is what worked for us. I cannot speak for the Mom but I know that our hearts were in the right places.

Then came the bridesmaids and then the flower girl and the moment we’ve all been waiting for-Dad and the bride. Oh! How beautiful she is and how Dad is radiating. The groom has tears of joy and happiness in his eyes as he sees the love of his life coming towards him. This is a very touching moment and I count my blessings that all is perfect.

Beautiful personal vows are exchanged and then they are pronounced husband and wife.

Time for family pictures. This was a moment that I had secretly dreaded because for me, being in a family photo signifies being part of the family. This is my personal belief and sometimes grief. Sometimes when I visit my stepdaughters home, I see if there are any photos of me. I know they have their mom’s photo, but past hurts still haunt me at times.

The photographer was really good as she was very tactful in calling me Bonus Mom and then Mom to identify us. Then we had my son in the mix and we also needed to distinguish in which “family” he was in. In all, the photo session went really great and I was very pleased. It was while watching the bride and groom having their picture taken while the sun was setting that I turned to the Mom and congratulated her on the marriage of her daughter. She acknowledged this by thanking me and then stating that it’s really hard to know what is expected from us. I suggested that we set new standards so that our children can live the kind of life that will make them happy. This being my very first experience in dealing with stepfamily weddings, it was all very good.

The rest of the evening was just as perfect as the event prior to. The Mom and her guest sat at the same table we sat, along with family members and friends. We ate and danced, gave our blessing and drank to their good health.

My wish for the newly married couple is that they live their dream for as long as they work and believe in each other. Marriage is not just a day but a lifetime commitment. Coming from someone who is in her second marriage is a bit of hypocrisy but I also came to realize that relationships are cultivated and nurtured through the sunny days as well as through the stormy ones. I know that our children saw us work very hard at keeping our marriage going, when we thought it was over. I am glad that they believe in this institution we call marriage and wish them long life together.