Claudette's Blog

MILLIONS!!!

That's right. There are over 1300 new stepfamilies being created daily (just do the math). And it's not just when you get married that you become a stepparent. Steprelationships start when you are seriously involve with your partner and started to include the children, whether you are married, living together or seriously dating one another.

There are many stepmoms in the media as well as in our day to day lives. The good thing about all of this is that they look nothing like Julie Andrews from the Sound of Music or Carol from the Brady Bunch.

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Who am I in this family? Am I the mother, the friend, the aunt, the babysitter, the maid, the taxi driver, the whatever? What is it that I am really suppose to be doing in this family? Am I suppose to be involved or just watch? Do I say something or not?

As stepparents, we really don't have clear role models as to what we are suppose to do. What little models that we do have are based on media and those are not very realistic or helpful.

Recently, I was interviewed by Jacquelyne Fletcher, author of " The Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom" where we discussed role ambiguity in stepfamilies. This is probably one of the most difficult issues new stepmoms (and stepdads) face because we have no positive role models to follow.

Click here to listen what I had to share with Jacquelyne on the subject and see if this can be of help to you.

I'd love to hear your comments on this and let me know how you view yourself in your stepfamily and how it's working.

Holidays are a time for families to get together and remember the fun times they had. They laugh and share memories of past events. But for stepfamilies, especially new ones, this isn’t always the case.

Often,those past memories are shared with other people that are not a part of the new family. Sometimes,resentment, fear, anger, and loneliness is what comes up for stepfamilies. Stepparents (both stepmoms and stepdads) are looking at this time of year as probably one of their worst ever. But it doesn’t have to be and I’ll share with you a few tips that I shared with a stepmom recently.

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Have you ever wondered what was going on in your head way way back when? Well that's exactly what I've been doing for the last several days. I've decided that I was ready to write my book about being a stepmom. This is about my life and how I dealt with the ups and downs of merging our two families together.

Next January, my husband and I will be celebrating 20 years of being together. I know that it wasn't always wonderful. And there were times that I didn't even think that we would last. Several times we were on the edge and I even left for several months where my son and I stayed in a woman's shelter. I couldn't believe that my life had gone so low.

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There are some days where I love to just browse around on the internet and read what other people have to say. Today was one of those days. I got a notice from blogger and Sister Stepmom Jaqueline Fletcher that she had written a post Just say No. I really enjoyed that Jacque tells us stepmoms that it's really important to voice our stance and that saying no is actually saying yes to yourself.

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I have a really big favor to ask of you...I need your help with a goal that I’ve set for myself. I want to reach 1000 stepfamilies in the next 10 days. That’s right 1000 stepfamilies in the next 10 days!

But I can’t do it on my own and that’s why I’m asking for your help. I am asking you to forward this emails to your family, friends, co-workers, people you know. The fact is that everyone knows of a stepfamily or two (and probably more).

Why do I want to reach these families?

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I love to read. It’s one of my passions. So when I received a book from Izzy Rose called “The Package Deal: The (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom”(available at Amazon), I was very intrigued. Most books on Stepmotherhood talk about the research done, things to do, ways to deal with issues, but Izzy’s book was different.

For one thing, there’s humor. We all need some humor in our lives and the way we approach our issues say a lot about who we are. Izzy came into becoming an instant mom with some prior knowledge, having come from a divorced and remarried family herself. She had a stepmom and stepdad as well as two stepsisters. So she saw first hand that it wasn’t easy.

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My son called me last week to announce to us that he finally asked his girlfriend of 20 months to marry him. She said yes. We were very happy because we know that he loves her very much. They have their issues and like all couples, they will learn to manage them.

One area that I hope to help them with, or at least be supportive of is Sami’s role as a stepmother. My granddaughter loves Sami very much and they never had a problem. At 5, Taylor is a very loving and affectionate little girl. She loves to dress up and to get dirty in the mud. Taylor loves to hang around Sami and Sami loves to be with Taylor

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