Claudette's Blog

After being with my husband and his daughters for twenty years, we are doing something really significant for our relationship. We are renewing our vows.

We have been through a lot in that past several years and celebrating our family's journey was really important to us. We wanted to mark it by renewing why we are together and share it with our family and friends.

I know that I've not been very active lately and I will share with you in the coming days why that is. But for now, I just wanted to share with all of you the joy that I am feeling with my husband and family.

This is an important milestone for us as a stepfamily, to celebrate 20 years together. May you experience this kind of happiness in your lives, whether it's been 1 year or 30 years or more that you have been together.

Talk with you soon.

A while back, in November, I wrote that I started reading my journals after 20 years of being in a stepfamily. I was amazed at what I read. This poor woman, struggling to keep her family together, to find an identity within this new group and to feel as if she belonged.

Nothing is more important to human beings as a sense of belonging. That was what was missing for me. I didn't belong anywhere and it was terribly hard. My friends didn't understand because they had no idea what I was going through. My family wasn't much help either because they weren't in my shoes.

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Who am I in this family? Am I the mother, the friend, the aunt, the babysitter, the maid, the taxi driver, the whatever? What is it that I am really suppose to be doing in this family? Am I suppose to be involved or just watch? Do I say something or not?

As stepparents, we really don't have clear role models as to what we are suppose to do. What little models that we do have are based on media and those are not very realistic or helpful.

Recently, I was interviewed by Jacquelyne Fletcher, author of " The Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom" where we discussed role ambiguity in stepfamilies. This is probably one of the most difficult issues new stepmoms (and stepdads) face because we have no positive role models to follow.

Click here to listen what I had to share with Jacquelyne on the subject and see if this can be of help to you.

I'd love to hear your comments on this and let me know how you view yourself in your stepfamily and how it's working.

Stepfamilies are often in a bind when it comes to money. It's already tough to buy all that is needed when you're in a "traditional" family but when the same money that comes in needs to be divided to two different households, that's really hard and needs lots of creativitiy.

Often times, stepfamilies are starting over financially. The money that had been saved or accumulated in the past has now gone to pay for divorce bills and child support. Many times, little is left over to pay for any extras. Couples often complain about having fights and arguments about and over money. It creates lot of stress and tension not only for couples but for the children. They may feel that if they didn't ask for certain things, then the parents wouldn't fight so much.

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We are off. We left Saturday morning with all our stuff packed for my stepdaughter’s wedding. WOW! A lot of stuff is needed. I had not realized all that we were to bring, but we are happy to be a part of such an important day.

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Raising a family is always a tough job. But when you're in a stepfamily, there are certain things that can make family life tougher.... I would like to ask your help in getting the message out there -- What it is exactly that makes your stepfamily life difficult? And, where we could start to help stepfamilies to create a cohesive and happy family?

Tell me by taking a quick survey. There are 6 questions and it will take no more than a few minutes.

As a thank you, I've posted two reports that you may download for free. I really appreciate your time. Warmly, Claudette

We communicate every single day, every single hour and every single second. Wait a minute! Every single second? Yep! It's true. Even when you are not using words, you are communicating through non-verbal communication. Every posture you do, the tilting of your head, the deep breath you just took or the rolling eyes your kids just made, they are all forms of communication. Learn more at my April 7th seminar!

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