Claudette's Blog

Summer is here. School is out. Kids are at home and sooner than you really would like to know, they are getting bored and looking for something to do (mainly you telling them what they can and cannot do).

Oh no! This is not at all how you were hoping your summer was going to go right? For many of us, summer time is often viewed as a time to have fun with family members, going on picnics, hikes, family events, outdoor parties, swimming, camping, etc. I’m sure that many of you have fond memories of your own summer vacations.

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A while back, in November, I wrote that I started reading my journals after 20 years of being in a stepfamily. I was amazed at what I read. This poor woman, struggling to keep her family together, to find an identity within this new group and to feel as if she belonged.

Nothing is more important to human beings as a sense of belonging. That was what was missing for me. I didn't belong anywhere and it was terribly hard. My friends didn't understand because they had no idea what I was going through. My family wasn't much help either because they weren't in my shoes.

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Valentine's Day is now so commercialized that it's becoming almost anticlimactic. In the 20 years I've been with my husband, we've gone from going out to very expensive restaurants, to giving each other big Valentine cards and candy to now focusing on what we really care and love about each other.

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Have you ever wondered what was going on in your head way way back when? Well that's exactly what I've been doing for the last several days. I've decided that I was ready to write my book about being a stepmom. This is about my life and how I dealt with the ups and downs of merging our two families together.

Next January, my husband and I will be celebrating 20 years of being together. I know that it wasn't always wonderful. And there were times that I didn't even think that we would last. Several times we were on the edge and I even left for several months where my son and I stayed in a woman's shelter. I couldn't believe that my life had gone so low.

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Today, my husband sent me a forward of an article he saw online. It was sort of funny considering that recently, I hosted a teleseminar with a friend of mine Heidi Bernstein on Dating as a single parent. Heidi's expertize on divorce and dating helped people understand what they needed to do in order to be successful.

I, on the other hand brought the perspective of what merging two families is all about, the do's and don'ts of dating as a single parent.

-For one, don't start dating and bringing your date home if you've been single within a couple of months.

-Be truthful about your ins and outs with your kids. They will notice something is going on and they will become suspicious. Trust is a very fragile connection between two people. Don't break it.

-Have a vision about the kind of relationship you want and the kind of partner you are looking for. Often we are looking without really knowing what we want in life and sometimes, it's just underneath our noses.

I am sure that as stepparents, we can see some of the things that you wished you had know before getting into a relationship. I'm not saying that you wouldn't have married the person, but I bet you that you would have asked a lot more questions and clarified a lot more about your life together.

Well, just a little something I felt like sharing today.

I'm finally taking the time to write about my stepdaughter's wedding. Can you believe it that it's already close to three weeks since it happened. Where did the time go?

I'm glad that I wrote my thoughts and feelings in my daily journal. It's amazing how fast things get blurry. After picking my son and granddaughter at the airport, getting all the stuff ready for the guests and meeting up with Julie's in-laws, we were now ready for the big day.

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We are off. We left Saturday morning with all our stuff packed for my stepdaughter’s wedding. WOW! A lot of stuff is needed. I had not realized all that we were to bring, but we are happy to be a part of such an important day.

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Everyday, I am there for everyone. I cook, clean, pick up and listen to every conversation my family has. I am there day in and day out. But sometimes, I just need to recharge my own batteries, to give myself permission to be taken care of, to be pampered and do nothing.

Today was such a day for me. Every morning, I do what is called "Morning Pages" from the book "The Artist Way" from Julie Cameron. If you have never read her book or done these exercises, run, don't walk to your nearest book store and start TODAY! For the last 30 days, I've been writing 3 pages a day, long hand on whatever comes to my mind. Most morning, the pages start out with "I'm so tired. I just want to go to bed. I didn't sleep enough" blah blah blah. By the time, I've done my three pages, I have energy, solved some issues, come to some inner realization, etc. But lately, I realized that I needed to take care of myself and I wasn't doing it.

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