Claudette's Blog

I had received a call for Good Morning America earlier this week asking if I knew of stepfamilies that would be willing to be interviewed. So I asked around, but not many volunteered. So I was curious to find out what GMA had to say about stepfamilies.

I went to When Stepparents Get Too Involved and listened to what was said. Here are my thoughts on this....

I often hear stepmoms saying that the mother is crazy, nuts, wacko, etc and that the kids are better off without them. I then often hear that stepmoms are cruel, unkind and just are way too involved in the family decisions. The moms say "It's not their kids, they're mine". I mean, is this really true? Do we own people?

I am a mom and a stepmom. How can I be those two people at the same time? I see this as women having different views on how to raise kids. We all believe that our way is better than anybody else. Why would we do it if we didn't think so?
We care for these kids and want their best. It's just that we can't agree on how to do it. It's not that these women are evil or bad but that they are not expressing their concerns about the children in a way that is constructive.

I remember when my son would go to his dad's house and I'd ask him how it went. He always said good. But I could see that he was really nervous. Because I lived in a very little town, everyone knows everyone. So, someone was in a real hurry one day to let me know that my ex had a girlfriend. I waited to see if they where going to tell me or not. They didn't. When I asked my ex about it, he said he was afraid I was going to be extremely upset and make a scene.

I WAS upset and sorry that they saw me as the mean, crazy, wacky mom that would prevent my son from seeing his dad because he had someone else in his life. I had to do a lot of self reflecting and agreed that I would have probably been upset and in their business a lot. They never understood that I love my son very much and just wanted the best for him.

I also came to the realisation that what I think is the best doesn't mean that it matches their definition either. Being a stepmom taught me that mothers, not matter what side of the fence they are on, they all want the same thing, what is best for the children. And what is best for the children is that they are not put in the middle of adult issues and that they may be free to love and care the people that are in their lives.

Children are lent to us to help them grow up to become one day, productive and fulfill citizens of this world who will one day, create their own families and have children themselves. This is a cycle that we participate in and what we do today will influence our future.

Just take a moment to think about it and see what tiny thing you can do differently today that will have a possitive impact on tomorrow's family. I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on this. Let me a comment.

Claudette